another dream......

its hard to believe that a year and a half have gone by since this island adventure. . . it has been an amazing time filled with some ups and some downs but with a general positive trend line :) i had a great year last year at school with a much lighter load of professional responsibilities and a goofy class that i enjoyed daily. . . i picked up the guitar and practiced weekly last spring with a group and found myself growing and growing in skill and passion for it. . despite the amazing freedom and independance i felt coming from my island adventure, i still hurt for relationship. . . . then. . . i had an amazing experience at an Attitude of Gratitude weekend retreat with 20 amazing women from my community. . . where, at a community prayer service through the lyrics of a song and a prayer in my heart i strongly felt God claiming me, saying, "I am jealous for you." and as peace, calm, and acceptance filled my heart, i genuinely felt my self responding, "Take me. . . take all of me. . . love me and use me and hold me for as long as you want." . . . i felt amazing peace and calmness. . . and a certain excitement for

understanding that this time was my time with and for God and only God. . . i walked away with that peace . . .and then . . i found myself at home for Thanksgiving, with my siblings who were all, even my baby sister ;) moving on in their relationship lives. . . a new marriage . . a new boyfriend. . .new babies and babies on the way. . . and then me. . . just me. . . my sister told me that God is big enough to hold us in our desires. . . that we can pray the big prayers. . . so we did. . . my sisters gathered around, (some in person, one via skype) on our bellies on my old bed and we prayed. . . we prayed that God would show me his plan for me in this next year. . . that he would make obvious what he has in store for me. . . i felt uncomfortable and greedy. . . distrusting. . i felt like a child who might tell his parents, "In one year from now i want you to give me a new car." I know he can handle our desires and fears. . .but i still struggled with it. . . and then over the next while, my four sisters checked in with me. . . we kept praying for that peace and for his plan to be clear or at least clearer ;) . . . one thing was for sure. . . in all my struggles around this, i always knew God would continue to surround me with love and joy. . . i was still lonely for companionship. . . so, i had crushes and went on dates. . . i was surrounded with love and amazing friends. . .but i started feeling that i needed a change. . . st louis wasn't working for me anymore. . . i loved my job and my church and my friends. . . but i needed a change. . . i started imagining myself in a new city. . . Denver. . . so i processed it with my friends and family. . . i tossed the idea around in my head. . . i even headed out there for a trip last summer solo to see how it fit. . .i explored and imagined . . . i loved it. . . i had a certain peace about a future in Denver. . . but God was working on my heart in another way. . . that summer. . . 2010. . . i was falling hard for this guy. . . this guy who had been in my life for 3 years already. . .this guy who was a solid friend. . this guy who knew all of the above . . . it was becoming clearer to me how perfectly we matched each other. . . it became harder and harder to keep that inside. . . so, following the advice of some, and against the advice of others. . . i told him. . . i put it out there. . oh, of course i feared that it would change our relationship. . . but i couldn't hold on to it any longer. . . i told him. . and then i backed off. . . and after a bit of time ;) he came back to me. . . interested and ready. . . we tried to take it slowly. . i remember one time i asked him about that because he'd say he wanted to take it slowly, but we just didn't. . . and he said, "I knew you don't take things slowly, and I'm not good at it either, so I figured if I said it, we at least might take it a little slower than if I didn't." so funny.... and ever since then, he has made my life so much fuller. . . he makes me laugh constantly. . . he challenges me. . . we bike together. . . we walk together. . we play together and pray together. . . i love his fake mustaches and his cowboy boots. . .

i love the way he gets himself into a pickle and then throws his hands up in the air and says, "uhh, . . . i mean . . . uh, well. ." i love how extremely thoughtful he is and how he challenges me to let go of my bitterness and judgement. . . and love more. . . i love/hate how he can see through my facial expressions and know when i'm not telling him something. . . i love how he bends down to hug his grandma. . . and how he gets just as excited to see his dog as his dog is to see him. . . i love the butterflies i get when his car pulls in my driveway. . . i love how he engages and goofs around with my family and my girlfriends . . like they're his own siblings. . i love seeing him with our friends . . my family. . his family. . . i love how he adores his mom and so deeply respects his dad. . . i love how he wrestles with my brother . . . and winces when he tries to change a diaper. . .
i love when he calls me beautiful. . . and when he says he can't wait to see me as a mom. . . i loved watching him react as my little David at school called him out and pointed directly at him saying, "Wait, are YOU her boyfriend??" and how when he told another little kid he was an engineer, he said, "You drive a train!?" i love how he owns the dance floor. . . and when he scoops me off my feet to spin me around. . . i love his thirst for adventure . . his amazing gift wrapping skills . . . and his desire to serve. . . i love how he challenges me to seek God and trust Him more. . . i LOVE that he rehabbed part of his house. . . i love that he loves mystery rides. . . i can not WAIT for you to meet him!! and i can NOT wait to see what God has in store for our lives. . . sooooo, i guess it's a good time to tell you two things. . . that i'm not going to move to Denver this summer. . . and that . . . WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!


Feb. 5, 2011... a day to celebrate!

. . . end scene!

sarah and i at a wedding for a local couple. . . friends of sarah's

Well, I'm zippin up the last of it. . . i'm sweating. . . a little mopey. . . and loving (not really) the effects of trying to soak up every last ounce of time here. . . we took a lovely ride in Terminator, Corby's boat, today. . . gosh i wish i had a great shot of it. . .its actually a little barge. . . Sarah, Corby and I started like champs at 8:00 AM. . . we got some shots of Villa Tryst from the water......

hit Magen's Bay for some wake boarding (i got up on the first try!!!!!!!)

here's sarah about ready to catch a big wave. . . (you have to look hard to find the waves in my picture. . oh but they were there!)
ok, so maybe really big is relative :)

then headed to st john to pick up some lovely johnians to come with us! the seas were quite rough as we took off in the ocean to find the island of Jost Van Dyke. . . supposedly one of the most beautiful. . . here are some pics from today.......

ok on second thought. . . here's my hesitation. . . there's a WIDE variety of people who might be reading this blog. . . so i gotta keep them censored. . . you see, at Jost Van Dyke, you anchor your boat and then swim in. . . there's a restaurant there called Soggy Dollar and it's called that for a reason! So nonetheless, everyone's just there in their swimming suits all day. . . well, like i said,there's a wide variety of people i've opened this blog up to and i'm not quite sure i want bathing suit shots up here. . . soooooooo, here are a few and maybe i'll show you more at another time :)

Carrie: Why am i leaving again??

Sarah: Really, what are you thinking?

At One Love (a restaurant with a killer lobster quesedilla) you can leave your mark by signing the wall, ceiling, hanging t-shirts, poles, etc. Sarah and i signed it in the corner there saying our names and Soon Come Back Ya'll!! A little Carib lingo, a little southern lingo. . . and a sign that said STL!! Cause we're proud!
IN the water, we were celebrating the bday of one of our friends who couldn't make it cause she got sick :( We missed you, Colette!!!

Among these memories. . . The Ragae Singer at One Love said we could come sing with him and one of the girls told him i'm startin to play guitar, so he invited me to come up onstage to sing a song! It was the FIRST time i've ever hit a microphone when not kareoke to sing. . . . i just pretended i've always done it and tried. . . it wasnt great . . . but people were smiling. . its all about the audience right!?

we played frisbee, napped in the sun, swam a lot, looked for fish, jumped off the boat, lost money underwater and had to snorkel to find it! and we did. .. played this 'ring toss' game which is NOTHING like the ring toss i'm used to at the county fair, this game stinks! you have to try to get this hanging ring to hook around a hook that's nailed to a tree. . . soooooo hard i hated the game. . . then, angie, one of the girls with us, came right up and got it first shot! seriously! what else. . . i met this guy, Foxy, who is like 60 and owns his own beach bar down there. . .he plays music at his bar and has been running it for a while. . . rumor has it, he's gone barefoot so long that he is the only customer that american airlines will allow to fly shoe-less. . . . the jury's still out on its factuality, but the story is good! then we scooted home to try to miss a couple of rain showers that cleaned out the beach. . .

such a fun day!

now i'm finishing packing, putting the laptop away, and gettin ready to rejoin the real world up north. . . . who knows when i'll be back on here! hope you enjoyed the posts. .. again, sorry for the suit shots. . . it was all i had!

packing.............

www.villatryst.com. . . on this website are the pictures that sold me on coming to the VI for the summer. . .i had no idea how perfect it would be. . . If you're lookin for a great little piece of paradise, check it out. . . you can come here too!!!!! and if you want a hired tour guide, lemmie know!!!

...............................................................................................................................................................
so i've been starting to gather the 'stuff' new and old . . . and start to make piles to get ready for the trek back. . . . cant believe how quickly this has gone by. . . you know, i was sitting on the ferry from st john last night . . . BEAUTIFUL night sky. . . lots of stars, the crashing of ocean waves, beautiful breeze and i was thinking to myself for the first time. . . i mean i love being on the water, i always have. . . but ive never lived around such beauty (in this type of landscape). . . and i know that before this i was feeling like oh, it'd be a romantic thought to think about staying down here and moving here indefinitely but i just love my life in stlouis so much. . . but for the first time last night i was thinking to myself. . . man, after living with this at my fingertips for so long (relative to my week long prior visits to the ocean) i wonder if its gonna be hard to be happy with the physical environment in st louis. . . i mean god love st louis, it is NOTHING like this. . . . i just found myself wondering having been so spoiled down here, how much will that bother me up in stl?? or will i get so rewrapped up in my life there that i'll just look back fondly on my time and make a point to come visit :) who knows. . . i just have to say, it is darn beautiful here. . . here's the last st john beach i was on. . .

Trunk Bay............ It was hard to say goodbye. . .
I've got one more beachy day. . .my last day here, Sunday we're scheduled to take a boat, thank you Corby!, to the 'most beautiful place ever' ... Jost Van Dyke. . . but seriously, look at that pic of Trunk Bay again. . . how can every beach be more beautiful than the first. . . God is amazing. . . truly. . .


Here's the lovely Villa Tryst that I've been painfully saying goodbye to.....

www.villatryst.com

La ultima

So today was the last day working at Jen's! It was a stinking busy day, too! They were joking that the word got out it was my last day so people were showin up to celebrate. . . Here are some of the people I work with. . . the pics are from Bastille day but they're my coworkers. . .

This is Marty. . . he's the bartender that trained me. . . Marty and i were a good team. . . we totally split tips equally so it gives you the freedom to tag team and share duties. . . i help him, he helps me. . . every time i start to think i'm doing more work, i remember all that he does for me. . . and vice versa!! we make a great team. . . he said he was sad i was leaving today :( and that i should come back and work for a couple of weeks over christmas break!!!
This is Chantel (Mavis' daughter) who comes in the afternoons and stocks our coolers and paper products, serves ice cream which is definitely more popular for locals and tourists alike in the afternoon, and helps out as she can. Then Jen is in the middle. . that's right, Jen the big kahuna as my dad says. . . the boss. . . the big deal :) She's enjoying a Johnny Cake and trying to keep cool on that blasted hot day. . . Johnny Cakes are a local fried dough treat that tastes a bit like funnel cake. And also, Carly who is the daughter of Charlene, one of the deli girls. . .

Here's another one of Jen enjoying a dance to Big Girls Rule (a Calypso song that was apparently the new song of Carnival this year)

On the very right is Mavis, one of my favorite local people. . . She is hardworking, always smiling (unless Jen's eccentric husband Stanley comes in on one of his flyby's through the restaurant and tells her to get off the phone because this is a terrible time to be chatting with someone--but dont worry she can hold her own . . . she yelled right back at him) and has a great sense of humor. . . i'm hoping this is an example of her sense of humor but my 3rd week working there, she looked at my backside and said to me, "Carrie girl, I think you're butt got bigger since you got here!" . . supposedly that's a compliment in her culture. . . rrrrrrrright :) . . she and Char (see below) do an amazing job of getting their have to's done while enjoying working with eachother in the meantime! I loved popping over there for a little ball of the brownie left overs or a smart comment or just a little break. . . i'll miss you girls!!

Charlene and her daughter Karly

I didn't get a pic of Michelle or the new girl (who is the spittin image of me. ..she is blond, has dark rimmed glasses, and is about my body type . . . a few inches shorter) but they work there too! Oh and Steph and Jacob who aren't pictured either (but there have been other pics of Steph on here) . . .

Nothing more to say about work. . . it was great fun, good experience, decent money :), a good use of my time, a nice way to interact with random tourists from around the world (denmark, philly, CHATHAM NJ!!!, cali, wisc, denver, mexico, and lots of other places), and a great way to get to know some locals. . . .

two customer stories and then i'm closing up for the night. . .

1. lots of senators and other local big wigs frequent Jen's. . . they're definitely big deals but since i'm both unfamiliar with the system and the people here, i dont recognize them to be any different than the sweet old couple that comes in off the boat. . . well, among other senators and lawyers from stt, i met this one who spoke spanish. . . we bonded briefly over that and i served him his normal lunch of the Local Chicken Soup with dumb bread and a can of soda at our tables everyday. . . today he was saddened to hear i was leaving, but said, "You know you will always be welcomed here and have a home in St. Thomas.". . . now let's be serious, its possible that people would say that to anyone . . . it's kinda a vague statement. . . but i really think he meant it!! i mean, he's a big wig. . . his office smells of deep mahogany. . . he doesnt have to talk to just anyone. . . and he was so warm about saying i should come back. . . i know he's got my back!

2. I'm talking to this couple who is from New Jersey . . . close to Morristown (i forget their actual town name...not important) but in our conversations it comes out that he (years and years ago... i think in '67) went to . . . . wait for it. . . crap i forget the name. . ahhh, Oratory Prep!!! THE SAME HIGH SCHOOL MY COUSINS MATT AND JAY WENT TO!!! what a coincidence. . . he actually was the basketball captain there when he was there and since coached his son's teams in basketball and baseball as he was growing up (who would probably be around my age) so matt and jason probably played against hiM!@! what are the chances!?

3. oh then there was the girl who asked me if the veggie chili vegetarian. . . great question. . . super smart gal. . .

4. and the girl who's half of sandwich slid off the plate as i was leaving the kitchen with it. . . so we had to redo that half and when i brought it out to her she NEVER touched it or the basket it was in . . . i watched carefully cause i thought maybe she wouldn't touch it since she was acting full from the app and the first half, so when she left, i totally ate it! it was untouched!!!!! probably shouldnt have shared that on here, hmmm. .. .

k, i promised you 2 and came with more. . i could probably go on, but im sure you're tired of reading by now. . . and i'm tired too. .

Here are some other random photos from Bastille Day

Jay (went scuba diving with him--friend of Sarah's) was a judge for the big fishing tournament so he had to go by helicopter to check out all the boundaries to make sure boats weren't fishing outside the boundaries. . . its an inshore fishing tournament so you had to stay within the marks. . . he asked me if i wanted to come along!!!!!!!!!!! we caught about 5 boats that were cheating and they were disqualified. . . apparently, there is concern about the guy who won, but we didnt see him out of bounds so we couldn't do anything about that. .. this is us before the flight. . .jay actually sat next to the open window so he could take pics of the cheating boats. . . i sat upfront so i could spot them and call them out to the pilot. .. and not get airsick :)

helicopter view of redhook where you take the ferry to st john
View of some random houses in st thomas. . . . cool eh!?


guy who caught big barracuda
another guy who caugh big kingfish and barracuda. . . apparently the biggest fish was a 58 pounder. . . . one kid on J

Jay's son's boat caught a 3 foot shark. . .

i really think the best day to go scuba diving would be the day after this tournament. . . because the fisherman clear that ocean out of the barracuda so you can swim peacefully (or so ill tell myself)

This is how they get the fish to stay up on the stand. ..they just slam their face onto the nails sticking out of the board. . . how rude!!!
guy with a big fish
guys with a lot of big fish

all in a day's work

well, today started ok. . . i was a hair late for work. . ok like 20 minutes and even though the ENTIRE island likes to roll like that, somehow i'm held to another kind of standard! i just figure, when in rome................... just kidding. . . there's just forever something that holds me up!! traffic, people stopping in the middle of the street, holding up an entire line of traffic, to buy a newspaper (reminds me of newsboys day--or whatever they call it when people sell newspapers in the intersections--- back home), or taking garbage to the dumpster on my way in to work, or forgetting my tennis shoes, or missing a turn and ending up on magen's beach, or whatever. . . alas. . . once i got to work things were decent. . . however, i went out to grab some extra mayo packets to restock our deli and noticed that one of the packets was leaking . . . of course it was on a few different packets so i gently was trying to figure out which one was busted when the ENTIRE packet burst and squirted all over my face, glasses, and shirt. . . awesome. . . . on top of that i found out that the 5 hours i worked yesterday in the hot sun for my boss for the Bastille day festival (see pictures below) . . . were volunteer . . . awesome. . . i accidentally dropped a few cups half full, when i was bussing them. . . great. . . and i slipped on a slippery spot and banged my right arm. . . i dont know why people said i wouldnt love waitressing!! so i got home and slipped into the pool and took off my glasses and went for a little swim. . .i noticed something floating in the water next to me. .. . it was. . . a . . . hairy. . . spider!!!!!!!!!!!!! dead. . . i thought maybe it was a tarantula which i was fine with cause it was dead. .. but sarah came to my rescue and also burst my bubble saying it wasnt big enough to be a tarantula. . . i disagree!

oh well. ..

we're gonna make some chicken stirfry and rice. . . webb is coming up for some guitar after his night snorkel. . i did get some french fries and a piece of a yummy mango. . . and now i see sarah cracking open a bottle of white wine!! the night is good. .. .

all in a day's work!

One week to go...........

Hard to believe that I'm here at one week left. . . all you people in my life who told me it would fly by can say i told you so now. ... people ask me if i'm sad about leaving. . . but honestly, i feel like so much of it has been so great and just what i was hoping for. . . that i feel really. . . . really fulfilled, actually. . . i know too, that theres so much i'm looking forward to up in the states. . . meeting my 3 month old niece Abby, and my other niece Julia Michele :), seeing Billy J and Elton sing to me, hanging out with my family a lot. . . seeing people in st louis, standing by while my bro gets married! seeing all my cousins and my grandma. . . man, so there's all that to look forward to. . . and so much beauty that i was a part of down here. . . and the connections that i made here will last for a long while! i have a feeling i'll be back :) Definitely the thing i think i'll miss the most is the beauty that is found where the water and the sand meet. . . everywhere you go, you can make one tiny turn and you'll see this beauty. . wish i could bottle that up!

I was hanging in St. John again the last couple of days, check out some of the pics! You'll see what i mean about the beauty!

Gipsy (I think) Bay. . . so so so beautiful. . . we saw needle fish that tried to come right at me. .. these little white fish that kept swimming towards my toes. . . didn't like that :) . . some jumping fish, obviously being chased by something . . . and a handful of rocks that i stepped on while diving for a Frisbee that were trying to make me think they were a stingray!!! Those fish are out to get me!
Another view of Gipsy Bay and Hawksnest Bay past those rocks. . .
Some cool flowers that were bright purple on their underside and green as can be on the top!

Went to a party at the Tap Room (the bar that houses the St. John Brewers Virgin Isl Beers)

. . . that was fun!

Kevin and Cheech, creators and owners of St. John Brewers

Kevin and Cousin Tim

The night included some dice playing with made up rules and dares for wagers, some tasty beer, and some new faces and some old faces. . .

Here were some of my late night attempts at creative late night photography:
In case you can't read the label on my cup here's a better view:

It says, "I get nervous around fish and lizards." I don't know why someone would think that!

Here's to living it up for the last week of the summer dream!!!!

mmmmmmmm beef........

i had charlene's meatloaf today at work. . . . and i realized that this was the first time i've had beef since i left st louis. . . can you believe that!?