its hard to believe that a year and a half have gone by since this island adventure. . . it has been an amazing time filled with some ups and some downs but with a general positive trend line :) i had a great year last year at school with a much lighter load of professional responsibilities and a goofy class that i enjoyed daily. . . i picked up the guitar and practiced weekly last spring with a group and found myself growing and growing in skill and passion for it. . despite the amazing freedom and independance i felt coming from my island adventure, i still hurt for relationship. . . . then. . . i had an amazing experience at an Attitude of Gratitude weekend retreat with 20 amazing women from my community. . . where, at a community prayer service through the lyrics of a song and a prayer in my heart i strongly felt God claiming me, saying, "I am jealous for you." and as peace, calm, and acceptance filled my heart, i genuinely felt my self responding, "Take me. . . take all of me. . . love me and use me and hold me for as long as you want." . . . i felt amazing peace and calmness. . . and a certain excitement for
understanding that this time was my time with and for God and only God. . . i walked away with that peace . . .and then . . i found myself at home for Thanksgiving, with my siblings who were all, even my baby sister ;) moving on in their relationship lives. . . a new marriage . . a new boyfriend. . .new babies and babies on the way. . . and then me. . . just me. . . my sister told me that God is big enough to hold us in our desires. . . that we can pray the big prayers. . . so we did. . . my sisters gathered around, (some in person, one via skype) on our bellies on my old bed and we prayed. . . we prayed that God would show me his plan for me in this next year. . . that he would make obvious what he has in store for me. . . i felt uncomfortable and greedy. . . distrusting. . i felt like a child who might tell his parents, "In one year from now i want you to give me a new car." I know he can handle our desires and fears. . .but i still struggled with it. . . and then over the next while, my four sisters checked in with me. . . we kept praying for that peace and for his plan to be clear or at least clearer ;) . . . one thing was for sure. . . in all my struggles around this, i always knew God would continue to surround me with love and joy. . . i was still lonely for companionship. . . so, i had crushes and went on dates. . . i was surrounded with love and amazing friends. . .but i started feeling that i needed a change. . . st louis wasn't working for me anymore. . . i loved my job and my church and my friends. . . but i needed a change. . . i started imagining myself in a new city. . . Denver. . . so i processed it with my friends and family. . . i tossed the idea around in my head. . . i even headed out there for a trip last summer solo to see how it fit. . .i explored and imagined . . . i loved it. . . i had a certain peace about a future in Denver. . . but God was working on my heart in another way. . . that summer. . . 2010. . . i was falling hard for this guy. . . this guy who had been in my life for 3 years already. . .this guy who was a solid friend. . this guy who knew all of the above . . . it was becoming clearer to me how perfectly we matched each other. . . it became harder and harder to keep that inside. . . so, following the advice of some, and against the advice of others. . . i told him. . . i put it out there. . oh, of course i feared that it would change our relationship. . . but i couldn't hold on to it any longer. . . i told him. . and then i backed off. . . and after a bit of time ;) he came back to me. . . interested and ready. . . we tried to take it slowly. . i remember one time i asked him about that because he'd say he wanted to take it slowly, but we just didn't. . . and he said, "I knew you don't take things slowly, and I'm not good at it either, so I figured if I said it, we at least might take it a little slower than if I didn't." so funny.... and ever since then, he has made my life so much fuller. . . he makes me laugh constantly. . . he challenges me. . . we bike together. . . we walk together. . we play together and pray together. . . i love his fake mustaches and his cowboy boots. . .
understanding that this time was my time with and for God and only God. . . i walked away with that peace . . .and then . . i found myself at home for Thanksgiving, with my siblings who were all, even my baby sister ;) moving on in their relationship lives. . . a new marriage . . a new boyfriend. . .new babies and babies on the way. . . and then me. . . just me. . . my sister told me that God is big enough to hold us in our desires. . . that we can pray the big prayers. . . so we did. . . my sisters gathered around, (some in person, one via skype) on our bellies on my old bed and we prayed. . . we prayed that God would show me his plan for me in this next year. . . that he would make obvious what he has in store for me. . . i felt uncomfortable and greedy. . . distrusting. . i felt like a child who might tell his parents, "In one year from now i want you to give me a new car." I know he can handle our desires and fears. . .but i still struggled with it. . . and then over the next while, my four sisters checked in with me. . . we kept praying for that peace and for his plan to be clear or at least clearer ;) . . . one thing was for sure. . . in all my struggles around this, i always knew God would continue to surround me with love and joy. . . i was still lonely for companionship. . . so, i had crushes and went on dates. . . i was surrounded with love and amazing friends. . .but i started feeling that i needed a change. . . st louis wasn't working for me anymore. . . i loved my job and my church and my friends. . . but i needed a change. . . i started imagining myself in a new city. . . Denver. . . so i processed it with my friends and family. . . i tossed the idea around in my head. . . i even headed out there for a trip last summer solo to see how it fit. . .i explored and imagined . . . i loved it. . . i had a certain peace about a future in Denver. . . but God was working on my heart in another way. . . that summer. . . 2010. . . i was falling hard for this guy. . . this guy who had been in my life for 3 years already. . .this guy who was a solid friend. . this guy who knew all of the above . . . it was becoming clearer to me how perfectly we matched each other. . . it became harder and harder to keep that inside. . . so, following the advice of some, and against the advice of others. . . i told him. . . i put it out there. . oh, of course i feared that it would change our relationship. . . but i couldn't hold on to it any longer. . . i told him. . and then i backed off. . . and after a bit of time ;) he came back to me. . . interested and ready. . . we tried to take it slowly. . i remember one time i asked him about that because he'd say he wanted to take it slowly, but we just didn't. . . and he said, "I knew you don't take things slowly, and I'm not good at it either, so I figured if I said it, we at least might take it a little slower than if I didn't." so funny.... and ever since then, he has made my life so much fuller. . . he makes me laugh constantly. . . he challenges me. . . we bike together. . . we walk together. . we play together and pray together. . . i love his fake mustaches and his cowboy boots. . .
i love the way he gets himself into a pickle and then throws his hands up in the air and says, "uhh, . . . i mean . . . uh, well. ." i love how extremely thoughtful he is and how he challenges me to let go of my bitterness and judgement. . . and love more. . . i love/hate how he can see through my facial expressions and know when i'm not telling him something. . . i love how he bends down to hug his grandma. . . and how he gets just as excited to see his dog as his dog is to see him. . . i love the butterflies i get when his car pulls in my driveway. . . i love how he engages and goofs around with my family and my girlfriends . . 
like they're his own siblings. . i love seeing him with our friends . . my family. . 
his family. . . i love how he adores his mom and so deeply respects his dad. . . i love how he wrestles with my brother . . . and winces when he tries to change a diaper. . . 
i love when he calls me beautiful. . . and when he says he can't wait to see me as a mom. . . i loved watching him react as my little David at school called him out and pointed directly at him saying, "Wait, are YOU her boyfriend??" and how when he told another little kid he was an engineer, he said, "You drive a train!?" i love how he owns the dance floor. . . and when he scoops me off my feet to spin me around. . . i love his thirst for adventure . . his amazing gift wrapping skills . . . and his desire to serve. . . i love how he challenges me to seek God and trust Him more. . . i LOVE that he rehabbed part of his house. . . i love that he loves mystery rides. . . i can not WAIT for you to meet him!! and i can NOT wait to see what God has in store for our lives. . . sooooo, i guess it's a good time to tell you two things. . . that i'm not going to move to Denver this summer. . . and that . . . WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!
Feb. 5, 2011... a day to celebrate!
